I’ve been so ridiculously stressed and worried about everything recently.
Worried about whether I’ll get into my first choice university, checking my emails about ten times a day.
Stressed because I still don’t know what course I’ll choose to do at university.
Worried and stressed about my prelims, which start on the first of February.
Just generally stressed about my appearance and how I’m convinced I’ve put on weight but I can’t seem to stop eating.
Worried about Chris, because he hasn’t had the easiest few days.
Worried about myself for being so tired and listless. I know it’s glandular fever, but I can still worry.
I worry a lot.
I’m also worried because every time I worry or stress about something(which is basically all of the time, except when I’m with Chris because he makes me happy), my chest hurts, and I keep getting out of breath really quickly because of it and it’s horrible because I cant breathe very deeply. So I’m worried about my body’s reaction to worry, therefore making it worse. Such intelligence.
I’m also not helping myself by gradually drinking more and more caffeine. I drink energy drinks a lot less than I used to; when I became addicted to them last summer, the withdrawal symptoms when I went on holiday were awful. I’m not increasing my consumption all that noticeably, but a can of Relentless or Red Bull here and there adds up. It’s having a stronger effect on me than usual because I have glandular fever as well(the same with alcohol: one vodka and coke at Hogmanay and I was pished oot ma face*, oops). I do worry that I’ll just gradually increase the amount of caffeine until I’m full-on addicted again by summer. I can just get Chris to come and look after me and it’ll be fine. Actually, no, that’s just an incentive to go and buy ten cans of Red Bull.
I am hoping that after my last prelim on the 8th of February I’ll calm down a bit. That’s assuming I do decently in them all, if I don’t it’ll just make everything worse. Maths may be a bit dodgy(it’s basically the same level as first-year university, I don’t have difficulty understanding any of it but there is just so much to remember), but I am working hard for the first time in my life and I think I can do all right. Here’s hoping.
*I’m the most Scottish.